Well, here it is. My last night as a 22 year old. Tomorrow will begin, and I will instead spend the day, as well as many days thereafter, as 23. Goodbye 22.
It was an impressive year, to say the least, and one that seemed always full of surprises. I surprised myself a lot at 22, but let’s get on with it already! I’m ready for the surprises of 23. I’ve managed to replace the madness of leaving 22 with the calm of entering 23, and the sadness that I felt a week ago has slowly been released. Birthdays happen. It’s inevitable. I’m just going to keep getting older. I can’t escape it, and no matter what, 23 is not old, it just is what it is. If I believe in fate, which I do, then I’m where I should be at the beginning of 23, and the end of 22. My life is what it is. I can’t change it, regardless of how much I want to. I can’t hide under the bed until everything is okay. And speaking of okay, it’s okay to be lonely, to feel alone, to feel lost. It’s even okay to cry. It’s okay for me to be conflicted, to feel apprehensive, to feel scared. It’s okay to just be whatever it is that I am.
In truth, I am looking forward to 23. I’ve got a list to attack and a million things I want to do before I hit 24 and the possibilities that are ahead of me are absolutely endless. I’m learning again to like myself, to enjoy just the company of myself, and how to survive my own thoughts. I can tell you that, lately, my mind has been a battlefield, with every step ultimately being a misstep. But, with the bad, with the explosions and the missteps, there is always some good, and that good is what I have to depend on to get me through the less than good times.
I learned at 22 a million and one lessons that I wished I could have learned at 19, or 18, or even 17. But, that fate concept tells me that it wasn’t supposed to happen like that. Everything happens for a reason, and the decisions I’ve made, the people I’ve met, the people I’ve lost and the people I’ve kept are all part of that reason. I don’t know what the reason is, and, chances are I don’t want to know, but I do believe that everything does happen for a reason, and, eventually things will turn out to be, at the least okay.
P.S. I started reading my first banned book yesterday!