I’ll call this a hard start.

27 Apr

so, not fine, i am contained.
trapped and captured and
i am not the thing that’s supposed to be.
i am displaced, displeased, disagreed with and
i am not fine.
i am a multitude.  i am 16 letter words, not 4, fuck 4,
4 is not big enough,
i am not fine,
i am slamdance amazing,
i am twirling sparklers and
bright headlights,
i am big breasts and
tight thighs,
i am a nightmare,
i am a dream
and i am never fine.
nothing in between, i am bad or better, i am loud, quiet, silent, screaming,
and there is no complacency inside of me,
there is just a not fine slamdance
bubble blowing beat of me that can’t be contained and
i say i don’t dance.
i say i can’t dance.
i lie and i say i can’t, i don’t,
but damn don’t you wish you could be inside and watch the madness,
the unadultered, unfiltered, unihibited dance that is my life,
my mind,
my madness,
and just…me.


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