Where does this domestic side of me come from?

13 Jul

First, allow me to say that I have always prided myself on being somewhat of a feminist. When I’m not deployed I’m in college as a sociology major, minoring in women’s studies. In the future, I’d like to get involved with the prevention of domestic violence, sexual harassment, and the victimization of children. I believe strongly that women should be on an equal platform as men, and that romantic relationships between the sexes should be about equality and partnership, and less about domination and control. I understand that some women prefer to allow their husbands to take the lead; however, in my own relationships, I like to have a heavy say in things.

That being said, sometimes all I want to do is bake. Sometimes I find myself lost in daydreams involving high thread count sheets, color schemes, and brightly patterned pillows. Sometimes I go to sleep thinking about cookie recipes. Sometimes I think about whether I want a brightly patterned couch, or just a brightly colored slip cover.

I don’t know where the hell this side of me comes from. I was raised by a single mom who brought me up to value and trust myself. We didn’t do the family dinner thing, and I didn’t grow up witnessing any domestic divas.

Perhaps it is my absence from all things domestic that causes me think longingly of spatulas, Pyrex mixing bowls, my kitchen aid, and silicone baking sheets. Seeing as I’m deployed and living in a place that lacks a kitchen, the most exciting thing I “cooked” all week was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Or perhaps it is the Army that has made my feminine qualities come to light. I have said time and time again that the Army is the reason I wear pink. I don’t think pink was an essential color in my wardrobe before leaving for basic training more than three years ago, but as soon as I was able to go shopping afterward, I stocked up on all sorts of girly things. There were floral skirts, and cute pink tops and really, ultimately, just a lot of pink.

Lately I seem to spend the lulls in my day thinking about future apartments and living arrangements. I think about color schemes and I usually end up browsing online for fun kitchen utensils. (Note: I must be going crazy if I just used the word “fun“ to describe kitchen utensils.) I read blogs about home decorating, and get excited when I discover chicken soup recipes. I want nothing more than to decorate a living room and make some cookies.

Ultimately, I think it comes down to the fact that I miss having a home. We always seem to yearn for the things we don’t have, and having a real, true home is something that I’m lacking right now. While I do call my barracks “home,” it is a far cry from a place with a kitchen, a bathroom, and privacy.

Don’t be alarmed if, when I return home in November, I go on a baking binge, or if I start looking longingly at blenders, soup bowls, and gravy boats. I think by that time I’ll have year and half of a slightly domestic-inclined Terra stored up inside of me that will, most assuredly, by begging for release.

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