So my birthday was good, at least good as far as my birthdays are concerned. Andrew snuck out and got me flowers and cake and delicious Chinese food and really, if it wasn’t for him, I probably would’ve spent the entire day moping because, well, that’s one of my favorite pastimes on birthdays. The important thing here is that I survived turning 24 and really, it hasn’t been that bad. Yet.
In other news, I think something is off. I’m frustrated with the way my life is right now, with my lack of motivation and my unwillingness to blog about what’s bothering me. I think I’ve gotten so caught up in holding myself back and making this blog easy to read for everyone from strangers in other countries, to family members of mine and really, that’s just not working for me. I don’t want to hinder myself or hold myself back in my writing. I don’t think I did that while I was deployed but now that I’m back, well, nothing is the same.
I keep wondering if I should give up blogging, or at least give up this blog but I feel that wouldn’t be fair. I’ve put so much of my story here that to stop would feel like I was quitting, or copping out or something. But then, if I keep going, how to find a balance?
I know I shouldn’t care. I know I should throw caution into the wind and just write what I want but for some reason, I can’t. Something is holding me back and I want it to go away. I want to be able to write like I did when I was deployed.
Anyone else ever have this dilemma, this uncertaintanty about how much to share and how much to hold back, espeically in circumstances of non-anonymous blogging?
And on one last random note, Andrew says 24 is the perfect age because it’s what size packs birthday candles come in. I’m not sure if I believe him or not, but I got to give him kudos for trying, right?