That day in review and then some other stuff in review too

14 Mar

So my birthday was good, at least good as far as my birthdays are concerned.  Andrew snuck out and got me flowers and cake and delicious Chinese food and really, if it wasn’t for him, I probably would’ve spent the entire day moping because, well, that’s one of my favorite pastimes on birthdays.  The important thing here is that I survived turning 24 and really, it hasn’t been that bad.  Yet.

In other news, I think something is off.  I’m frustrated with the way my life is right now, with my lack of motivation and my unwillingness to blog about what’s bothering me.  I think I’ve gotten so caught up in holding myself back and making this blog easy to read for everyone from strangers in other countries, to family members of mine and really, that’s just not working for me.  I don’t want to hinder myself or hold myself back in my writing.  I don’t think I did that while I was deployed but now that I’m back, well, nothing is the same.

I keep wondering if I should give up blogging, or at least give up this blog but I feel that wouldn’t be fair.  I’ve put so much of my story here that to stop would feel like I was quitting, or copping out or something.  But then, if I keep going, how to find a balance?

I know I shouldn’t care.  I know I should throw caution into the wind and just write what I want but for some reason, I can’t.  Something is holding me back and I want it to go away.  I want to be able to write like I did when I was deployed.

Anyone else ever have this dilemma, this uncertaintanty about how much to share and how much to hold back, espeically in circumstances of non-anonymous blogging?

And on one last random note, Andrew says 24 is the perfect age because it’s what size packs birthday candles come in.  I’m not sure if I believe him or not, but I got to give him kudos for trying, right?


7 Responses to “That day in review and then some other stuff in review too”

  1. Laurie March 14, 2008 at 12:28 PM #

    I have this dillema all the time! Blogging is all about being transparent, but we all want a sense of privacy too.

    Maybe take a “bloggy break” and recharge? Sometimes I think that we all need to do that and just think about what we’re putting out there.

    You’ll get it right, you are a great blogger!

  2. titus2woman March 14, 2008 at 1:21 PM #

    I missed your birthday? AW MAN! *HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!* It’s the same day as my Dizzle’s, so now I’ll ALWAYS remember it~like for LIFE! *HAPPY BIRTHDAY!*

    I’m sory for the struggles~I can only imagine. I’m pretty freaky and also wonder how much to share sometimes… and there are things I’ve shared that I regret~like that post about the backyard~LOL! I’d love to talk with ya sometime. Not that you’d get anything great from me, I just think you’re very special. (((((HUGS))))) sandi

  3. Nicki Fellenzer March 14, 2008 at 3:26 PM #

    Don’t you DARE stop, booger! I enjoy just hanging out reading what you’re up to… since you suck at calling! 😉

    Just take a break and relax.

    Or do what I do when I’m sick of blogging (like when a psycho guy was stalking me and demanding I tell him where I live), blog stream of consciousness… whatever comes to mind, write it! It helps. Then you look back at the weirdness you’ve written and you realize how cool it is that you can do that on your own site.

    BTW – tell your husband if he wants to send me drinks on Facebook, they need to be a lot less gay than fizzy water!

  4. Andrew March 15, 2008 at 3:13 PM #

    I happen to love fizzy water. It’s delicious!

  5. instatick March 15, 2008 at 3:43 PM #

    Thank you all for your thoughts you guys. I really appreciate it.

  6. Nicki Fellenzer March 16, 2008 at 6:23 PM #

    Owen, you’re a dork, but I still love ya! And fizzy water is still gay…

  7. Ash March 17, 2008 at 8:03 PM #

    T., if you were to stop blogging, I’d have little idea what’s going on in your life. I wish we’d talk more…but blogging is great, it lets me know more where you are and who you are then I’d likely get out of you in person or on the phone, anyway. I’ve come to rely on it as my lifeline to you, sort of. Keep it up….please. Love you.

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