Being the gullible and talking-dog loving people that we are, my husband and I recently took a fellow husky owner’s advice and let Sadie-Dog watch Snow Dogs. Husky dogs are known for their weird husky talk, little whimpers and soft barks – and you know what? Just pretend to understand what I mean when I say husky talk because explaining it using stupid things like LETTERS is not going to work. Anyway, this alleged friend or coworker or whatever told Andrew that she let her husky watch Snow Dogs, starring Cuba Gooding Jr. and several pissed off huskies, and then, like MAGIC, her husky could talk.
And so what did we do? We let Sadie watch Snow Dogs, forgetting perhaps that the majority of the movie is about how much those dogs ABSOLUTELY LOATHE CUBA AND DESTROY EVERYTHING IN SIGHT.
And so now the dog is evil. More evil than before.
Monday, when I was talking on the phone, I turned around to find Sadie chewing on the wall. She’d just watched the movie that day and so the PEOPLE HATING EVIL was still deep inside her. This was after I was trying to do yoga on the Wii Fit and Sadie, hearing the dog upstairs (who is a boxer and quite wonderful but they just got a pug puppy and so help me if I see that little pug puppy I might just hide it in a box and send it far, far away because when it gets put in its crate in the morning it screams like a little piglet and it’s pretty safe to say that I absolutely hate it. Much like those dogs hated Cuba Gooding Jr.) went absolutely apeshit and LITERALLY BOUNCED OFF THE WALLS. There are paw prints up and down the walls in the hallway due to Cuba’s corruption of my dog.
To be fair, as we’ve moved further away from Monday, she’s gotten a little better. She hasn’t bounced off the walls today and she has yet to attempt to eat our home, so that’s all very good. In fact, right this minute, she is sleeping on my feet being absolutely the most adorable and sweet and good dog in the whole world.
You what really sucks though? She’s still not talking. Maybe we should make her watch Eight Below. That might scare her straight.