Friday night I found myself sitting on the porch having a serious discussion. Which is weird, because we usually opt for conversations centered around the ridiculous, strange, hilarious, or hypothetical. That said, when the night started there were only four of us out there, each with our butts parked in a camping chair.
The theme seemed to be comfort, and how hard it is to leave it. It’s amazing that people, myself included, are willing to sacrifice happiness and fulfillment for comfort. We stay in relationships, jobs, and states of mind because it’s easier than changing, than moving, than leaving the comfort of what’s already known. The edge of the cliff can be comfortable; it’s the leaping off the edge part that can be painful. It’s never clear whether there’s a pile of pillows at the bottom or a quarry of jagged rocks. So we stay. We make do with what we know, because it’s inherently easier than attempting the unknown.
Then there’s the hurt. I, for one, abhor hurting other people and have, on numerous occasions, chosen to stay in certain situations because hurting me is just so much easier than hurting anyone else. But really, sacrificing your own happiness for the happiness of another doesn’t really work and is, essentially, just a waste of everyone’s time. But, as it turns out, that’s a hard lesson to learn.
There seems to be so many people in my life lately that are stuck in comfortable places, hurting, deeply, because they don’t want to hurt anyone else. Knowing too well what all that feels like, I don’t know what advice to give them. I want them happy RIGHT THIS INSTANT, but I know too well that if they run away from it all, they’re going to hurt a little bit, or maybe even a lot a bit. Sure, eventually things will look and feel better and dreams will seem easier to attain, but still, it’ll hurt first. And I don’t want to be the one who suggests hurt.
Then, right in the middle of the comfort conversation, I realized I’m doing it again too. Not in my relationship this time, because I’m not sure if you noticed but my husband is the best thing EVER, but in another important area of my life. See, Andrew mentioned a possible job opportunity for me last week that would include better pay, better benefits, a more flexible schedule, more responsibility, and something infinitely cooler than this job, but still, I was unsure. It seems like a no-brainer. Why keep yourself as an admin assistant when you can do COOL THINGS like not sit at a desk all day wearing heels and fucking suits? I’m not meant to wear heels and suits and freeze to death in air conditioning. But still, I grumbled, unsure that anything else is right for me because this job I have right now is EASY. Ridiculously easy. Making coffee, being the person who knows everything, ordering supplies, answering stupid questions, getting the mail, putting files together, organizing things – yeah, NOT HARD AT ALL.
So yeah, there might be a quarry of jagged, just-waiting-to-impale-me rocks, but who gives a shit? Comfort is overrated anyway.