Comfort is crap

29 Sep

Friday night I found myself sitting on the porch having a serious discussion. Which is weird, because we usually opt for conversations centered around the ridiculous, strange, hilarious, or hypothetical. That said, when the night started there were only four of us out there, each with our butts parked in a camping chair.

The theme seemed to be comfort, and how hard it is to leave it. It’s amazing that people, myself included, are willing to sacrifice happiness and fulfillment for comfort. We stay in relationships, jobs, and states of mind because it’s easier than changing, than moving, than leaving the comfort of what’s already known. The edge of the cliff can be comfortable; it’s the leaping off the edge part that can be painful. It’s never clear whether there’s a pile of pillows at the bottom or a quarry of jagged rocks. So we stay. We make do with what we know, because it’s inherently easier than attempting the unknown.

Then there’s the hurt. I, for one, abhor hurting other people and have, on numerous occasions, chosen to stay in certain situations because hurting me is just so much easier than hurting anyone else. But really, sacrificing your own happiness for the happiness of another doesn’t really work and is, essentially, just a waste of everyone’s time. But, as it turns out, that’s a hard lesson to learn.

There seems to be so many people in my life lately that are stuck in comfortable places, hurting, deeply, because they don’t want to hurt anyone else. Knowing too well what all that feels like, I don’t know what advice to give them. I want them happy RIGHT THIS INSTANT, but I know too well that if they run away from it all, they’re going to hurt a little bit, or maybe even a lot a bit. Sure, eventually things will look and feel better and dreams will seem easier to attain, but still, it’ll hurt first. And I don’t want to be the one who suggests hurt.

Then, right in the middle of the comfort conversation, I realized I’m doing it again too. Not in my relationship this time, because I’m not sure if you noticed but my husband is the best thing EVER, but in another important area of my life. See, Andrew mentioned a possible job opportunity for me last week that would include better pay, better benefits, a more flexible schedule, more responsibility, and something infinitely cooler than this job, but still, I was unsure. It seems like a no-brainer. Why keep yourself as an admin assistant when you can do COOL THINGS like not sit at a desk all day wearing heels and fucking suits? I’m not meant to wear heels and suits and freeze to death in air conditioning. But still, I grumbled, unsure that anything else is right for me because this job I have right now is EASY. Ridiculously easy. Making coffee, being the person who knows everything, ordering supplies, answering stupid questions, getting the mail, putting files together, organizing things – yeah, NOT HARD AT ALL.

So yeah, there might be a quarry of jagged, just-waiting-to-impale-me rocks, but who gives a shit? Comfort is overrated anyway.

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3 Responses to “Comfort is crap”

  1. anOCgirl September 29, 2008 at 6:38 PM #

    apply for the job. such a low-risk chance to take. i’ve been there before, trust. i took a chance, knowing that i was unhappy with my job at the time yet scared to try something new. what if i wasn’t good enough? what if it’s too hard? what if, what if, what if. wouldn’t you feel better if you at least tried, rather than stay in a job that doesn’t make you happy but is comfortable?

  2. turnonthestars September 30, 2008 at 8:02 AM #

    I’d go for the job. My job at the moment was a risk, but it was worth it because I enjoy it… most days. But it challenges me to be better, which was the risk… stay in the old job because it was comfortable and I could do it without thinking, or move on and into something that would be the hardest, but possibly the most rewarding, thing I’ve ever done.

    I’m not meant for heels and work suits and air conditioning either.

  3. generation next September 30, 2008 at 1:45 PM #

    I want to have serious porch conversations too! I know how you feel about the job. At least apply–it doesn’t commit you to anything, and sounds like a great opp. I feel a bit stuck at my job too, but it’s EASY, so I start to feel like I’ve forgotten how to do bigger better things.

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