My first time applying for college was – bear with me while I have a nervous breakdown – six years ago. Yesterday, I did it again. It was just like it was 6 years ago, except for now I’m not so much excited as I am TERRIFIED. I had to keep reminding myself to take deep breaths and that 24 isn’t that old. I mean, it’s not like I’m a freshman or anything, right? I’m a junior. That’s better, right? I mean, so what if I’m approximately FOUR years older than everyone else in my classes? That’s not a big deal, right? RIGHT!?!?
I know. I’m ridiculous. I know that out of almost every class I’ve ever been in there’s been a forty-something and that for me to freak out over being a few years older than my classmates is ridiculous, but I can’t help it. This going to college thing doesn’t come naturally to me anymore. It’s not comfortable or ordinary and it’s not at all what I’m used to and that scares me. What if I’m not good at it anymore? What if the moment I step into a classroom my brain fizzles and snaps and pops and refuses to work? What the hell am I supposed to then? What if, because SO much has changed on campus in the three years since I was a college student, I get lost and miss my classes? What if I just can’t hack it? THEN WHAT?
*Big sigh.*
I already know what classes I want to take. It was easy considering my schedule is not nearly as flexible as it was when I was, you know, doing absolutely nothing but going to school. So, I’m only going to take two classes. Ease into this whole college student thing – that’s my plan.
To be honest, I’m excited too. It’s just that the fear has a way of elbowing the excitement in the kidney and shoving it out of the way before I get a chance to focus on it.
Anyone else gone back to school after a brief or not-at-all brief hiatus? Or, since this is all new for me, have you gone to school while working full time at the same time? Suggestions on how not to go insane would be greatly appreciated.
questionable rationale 