And so it begins…

15 Oct

My first time applying for college was – bear with me while I have a nervous breakdown – six years ago.  Yesterday, I did it again. It was just like it was 6 years ago, except for now I’m not so much excited as I am TERRIFIED. I had to keep reminding myself to take deep breaths and that 24 isn’t that old. I mean, it’s not like I’m a freshman or anything, right? I’m a junior. That’s better, right? I mean, so what if I’m approximately FOUR years older than everyone else in my classes? That’s not a big deal, right? RIGHT!?!?

I know.  I’m ridiculous. I know that out of almost every class I’ve ever been in there’s been a forty-something and that for me to freak out over being a few years older than my classmates is ridiculous, but I can’t help it. This going to college thing doesn’t come naturally to me anymore. It’s not comfortable or ordinary and it’s not at all what I’m used to and that scares me. What if I’m not good at it anymore? What if the moment I step into a classroom my brain fizzles and snaps and pops and refuses to work? What the hell am I supposed to then? What if, because SO much has changed on campus in the three years since I was a college student, I get lost and miss my classes? What if I just can’t hack it? THEN WHAT?

*Big sigh.*

I already know what classes I want to take. It was easy considering my schedule is not nearly as flexible as it was when I was, you know, doing absolutely nothing but going to school. So, I’m only going to take two classes. Ease into this whole college student thing – that’s my plan.

To be honest, I’m excited too. It’s just that the fear has a way of elbowing the excitement in the kidney and shoving it out of the way before I get a chance to focus on it. 

Anyone else gone back to school after a brief or not-at-all brief hiatus? Or, since this is all new for me, have you gone to school while working full time at the same time?   Suggestions on how not to go insane would be greatly appreciated.

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5 Responses to “And so it begins…”

  1. Rachel October 15, 2008 at 4:15 PM #

    i’m considering going back, but i have an AA degree and none of my classes will transfer to the school i want to go to. i’ve been weighing my options and i think i might go back as a freshman, at 24. i’m banking on the fact that i look young to get me through this one. :o)

  2. generation next October 15, 2008 at 4:16 PM #

    Ooh ooh, where are you going? What are you studying? I work with students, so I see these concerns every day. I promise you will be fine–those who come back a little more mature and having spent some time in the real world first usually do.

  3. anOCgirl October 15, 2008 at 7:02 PM #

    one of my closest friends went back to college after a many year hiatus. he completed 1.5 years before dropping out to care for his family and is graduating this may. he kept his full time job because he couldn’t afford to cut back in order to afford the life he was used to (nothing fancy, just a place of his own, food, transportation, still helping family). full time studies + full time work = the need for excellent time management. he’s survived thus far, but he’s had to cut back on hanging out time. hearing him talk about going to school at this point in his life, i’ve noticed that his experience is vastly different from mine. he’s already an adult and has a mature, experienced perspective when it comes to his classes. on the other hand, i spent my college years growing up.

    i think it’s really great that you’re doing what you’re doing. and it sounds like you’ve already got a plan by slowing easing yourself back into it. personally, i think you’re approach to this is very mature.

  4. Ash October 16, 2008 at 11:25 AM #

    You’ll be fine, T. – my goddess, you’ve had enough experience with schools, starting new ones, learning to fit in again, etc. And remember, I did it when you were, what, 8 years old? So, I was older than you are now. I think what will surprise you is how incredibly immature some of the students are, and you will look at them and go, “was I ever like that? nah…”

    I’m sure you will do great – what classes are you taking?

  5. M October 17, 2008 at 3:08 PM #

    Have no fear !!!
    Our daughter, at age 41 and with 4 children, went back to college, after almost 20 years. She got straight A’s first semester. AND, she home-schools her children.

    Let her be the bright light for you to follow.

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