Yesterday was the day we finally faced up to our home buying fears and sat down with a realtor. We’ve been told that’s the first step to this insane process and so we figured why not? Let’s get the ball rolling.
Our realtor asked us all sorts of questions about what sort of house we wanted and where we wanted that house and we obligingly provided him with vague answers because, as it turns out, we don’t really know. We’ve got about a million and one ideas for what we want in a house and are willing to live in about 124 neighborhoods in this fine city of mine, but in terms of solid answers to his questions – yeah, we have one – we don’t want or need a garage. That’s the one thing we had a solid answer on and when Andrew and I realized we had agreed on something there was much high fiving.
In the end, the sit down with the realtor went well, and, better yet, by the time we got back to our slummy abode, we had home listings already waiting in our inboxes. We were kind of impressed with the speed and efficiency of Mr. Realtor and so we began sifting through the results and found FOUR homes that we liked. We’re hoping, if our crazy schedules allow, we’ll be able to go look at those houses later this week (yes I know it’s Wednesday already). Which makes me feel a little bit insane because HOLY CRAP WE’RE NOT PREPARED TO BUY A HOUSE UNTIL DECEMBER AND IT’S ONLY OCTOBER AND WHY OH WHY IS THIS HAPPENING SO QUICKLY and whatnot.
But then, there was hope. See, the dear hubs and I have started this task of home buying without the explicit knowledge that yes, we can buy a house. We have instead been assuming for the past several months that our credit doesn’t suck and that we can find a mortgage program that works for us and that we can afford to do this. But we didn’t know all this was possible until today when my loan officer informed me that no, we are not degenerate scumbugs with wretched credit and no money and that yes, we can afford to buy a house. In addition to the knowledge that homeownership is a likely possibility in our future, I learned that my credit score is, um, well, fabulous despite the fact that I’ve never, ever known what is was and that I’ve never really tried to ensure its fabulousness although, at the same time, I’ve never done anything to harm it either. Really, I’d just like to thank the two car loans in my name and the ability to automatically pay those car payments using the internets. I couldn’t have done it without you, really.
BUT, and it’s kind of a big but I suppose, I’m still SCARED and NERVOUS and feeling incredibly grown-up in a not great sort of way. See, way back in March 2007, when I was a wee babe of barely 23, I put “Buy a House” as number 56 on my 101 in 1001, but I didn’t think it would actually happen. And now, just a year and half later I’m um, BUYING A HOUSE! For reals. Not just for pretend like usual where I think about paint colors and dream furniture and how much I want to go live in most of the Ikea showrooms but a for-real house that I will actually be able to paint and live in and where me and the Hubs can really, really nest and, for the first time ever, have a place that’s really, truly ours and a yard where Sadie the Insane HuskyMutt can fly around all crazy like until she passes out from exhaustion.
I guess the bottom line is this: my life sucked for a really, really, really long time. I battled depression and fought off wickedly negative thoughts for a very long time. I was consumed with the feeling that I was drowning, that I couldn’t keep my head up anymore and that maybe it would be easier to just sink to the bottom. I got hurt A LOT. There are family and friends out there who have made it their mission to hurt the hell out of me and I guess, after so much of that, I never really anticipated life being, oh…what’s the word? Oh yeah, GOOD. And yet it is, despite the best efforts of the universe, despite the demons that consumed so much of earlier years, despite everything, I’m okay. Yeah. That’s the point I’m trying to make. I really am okay.