I want to know who I am. I want to know if the clothes in my closet, if the style I’m rockin’ this instant belongs to me or a past me because I just can’t tell anymore.
I want to spend one full day snuggling on the couch watching movies with my husband like we used to without getting distracted by unnecessary riff raff.
I want to travel to far away places.
I want to know why I don’t write as much and as passionately as I used to.
I want a night by myself to stay up late and just listen to music and think.
I want the courage to say “Hey – fuck off! If you can’t say anything nice, if you can’t realize what a great person I’ve turned out to be (despite your best efforts), if you can’t stop bringing me down every single god damn time I’m up a little – then just get the hell out of my life and stop pretending you have a heart.”
I want my degree now, not two years from now.
I want to know why I’m starting to geta few random gray hairs and still have acne.
I want to gain the ability to let go. I want to know what it’s like to just let things happen without holding the reins. I want to stop being such a spaz and such a control freak, but I don’t know if I can.
I want the job.
I want a home that feels like me because that’s not something I’ve had before and I just want to feel rooted.
I want to be able to throw pieces of myself out for all the world to see without being ashamed, or afraid of the judgment.
I want to know at what point I’ll start to feel like an adult, versus an imposter all dressed up and playing the part.
I want to bear my scars without feeling like I have to give an explanation.
I want you to listen to me without filling your ears with your own thoughts and selfishness and I want you to realize, for just one instant, who I am.
I want to learn to dance.
I want to be a girlie girl or a tomboy and not some in-between hybrid who wants to wear heels and look beautiful all the time but can’t find the energy or the willingness for uncomfortable feet to get out of old jeans and tank tops.
I want a best friend.
I want to dress up like a princess and play barbies and say to hell with this grown up shit.
I want to live my life without regrets.
What do you want?