Why yes, Spastic is my middle name.

10 Dec

I feel like I’m in the eye of a hurricane. Like all is calm for just this minute but inevitably time is going to speed up and my world is gonna get flipped upside down.

Tomorrow we buy a house. I am elated and nervous and scared and doing an internal happy dance all at the same. My nerves are scratched raw, partly because of this home buying process, partly because each day I’m at this job I get more and more agitated, more ready to leave, closer to just walking out the damn door because really, respect shouldn’t be too much to ask. I get so mad at myself for dwelling on the negative, especially when so much good stuff is happening in my life right now, but I just can’t help it. I get that a lot of us hate our jobs, that I’m not alone in it, but this is the first time I’ve been through this ever, in my whole life, and what makes it worse is that the largest chunk of my time is spent at work each week getting frustrated and pissed off. I wish I was someone capable of sitting in an office for nearly nine hours a day, but I’m not. I wish I could go all week with only ten minutes of exposure to daylight, but I just can’t do it, and maybe that, more than anything, is why I’m struggling with this. I feel like I’m accepting defeat, like this job has unceremoniously taught me what I am and am not capable of, and that whole not being capable of something just plain sucks a goat beard. Hard.

Isn’t it great when I get started on a tangent and then come to the realization of why I’m actually all bitchy about something in the first place?

What I really wanted to talk about was the house, but for some reason, I can’t seem to get past the hyperventilating part that causes me to rock back and forth and mumble obscenities under by breath. Which is actually kind of disappointing. I wish I wasn’t such a spaz. I’m getting a HOUSE FOR FUCKS SAKE! This is really ridiculously, stupendously, amazing and awesome and please know that I’m freaking out with excitement along with fear and anticipation.

Also, please tell who ever is change that for this one week that I’m buying my first house, brand new fabulous refrigerators should be only $23.45 plus shipping and handling, and those gorgeous front-loading washers and dryers that everyone always gets on Extreme Makeover: Home Edition should cost no more than $14.67 plus tax. Kthxbai.

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3 Responses to “Why yes, Spastic is my middle name.”

  1. Liz December 10, 2008 at 2:39 PM #

    There is a difference between defeat and trying to force yourself to be something your not and, thankfully, failing. Huge difference.

  2. anOCgirl December 10, 2008 at 5:18 PM #

    i’m certainly not one to talk, but why aren’t you thinking about the good stuff–like the new job you got for which you are leaving this one you really don’t like and your new home for which you will spend many happy hours decorating? the house thing is simply awesome. sure it’s a change and change is never easy but you wanted this change and felt ready for this change, otherwise you wouldn’t have gone through the not-so-fun red tape process of buying a home. and i know how much you wanted this new job and now it’s yours! yay! i’ve been in that position before and it was the greatest feeling ever (also, after turning in my notice, my quitting was a great excuse to not care so much and just be lazy and read celebrity gossip blogs all day). so all this good stuff happening in your life? you’ve earned it!

    also, i wouldn’t call not being capable of doing a job you hate ‘defeat’. in fact, i would define going out and getting a job that you actually want and will probably do well in as ‘success’

  3. Andrew December 11, 2008 at 9:22 AM #

    Great success! I also would like for you to get appliances at those super awesome prices. Can you make that happen?

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