Mother Nature might possibly hate me

8 Jun

I am insanely allergic to mosquito bites.  I don’t get little tiny bumps where the bastards bite me.  I get lumps. And blotchy redness all around the bite.

I attempted to take a picture of this ridiculousness, but this was the best I could do:


On my tiny little wrist, there in the middle of all that horrible redness, is a bite the size of a nickel.  I did not itch this bite.  Because I know better and because if I had, it’s pretty likely my entire arm would just explode from the swelling.  This is just what happens when I get bit by mosquitoes.

Luckily for me, both my next door neighbors have backyards that are PERFECT for mosquito breeding. So, even if I just go outside for five minutes, I get four bites.  In fact, four bites seems to be the average, regardless of how long I stay outside.

Worse still, at least once a day I get bit on the face.  Usually the cheek, which isn’t SO bad, but sometimes the forehead, which is the WORST because there’s really nothing that can make you look worse than a giant WELT on your forehead surrounded by red blotchy itchiness that you can’t itch.

As if these attacks from Mother Nature weren’t enough, I got sunburnt.  Which yes, is technically my own damn fault because I knew I was going to be outside for four hours in the sun wearing the stupid berets the Army thinks are worth a damn, but alas, I didn’t put on sunscreen.

Now, I look like this:


Forgive the exhaustion face – it was a long day and I was just realizing I had a tan line ON MY FOREHEAD!  Keep in mind I am not willing to leave my house right now because of how ridiculous I look, but I’m more than willing to post a picture of me, totally exhausted and gross, on the internet for the world to see.  I think my logic might be slightly skewed.

The tan line has faded slightly.  I have to go to TWO weddings in the next week and a half and I really would rather not be immortalized in pictures with a tan line in the middle of my forehead.

Anyone know how to get rid of a tan line?


7 Responses to “Mother Nature might possibly hate me”

  1. Ash June 8, 2009 at 1:58 PM #

    Okay, so here’s what you do – put total sunblock on the part that’s burnt, but be oh so careful not to get any on the part that was shielded by the silly beret (which I’d like a picture of you in, btw). Then, go outside for about an hour or two, maybe mow the lawn…and maybe the line will disappear?

  2. Margaret June 8, 2009 at 2:05 PM #

    Creative use of foundation may hide the line, or say you’ve started the next trend in ‘summer looks’ 🙂

    I just read that putting a Bounce dryer sheet in your pocket, will keep the critters away.

    Put a wren house in your yard; they like to eat mosquitoes

    OFF has a personal bug fan you can clip to your clothes.

  3. Holly June 9, 2009 at 2:18 PM #

    Wow, what a bite! Before I read the info below the forehead photo, I thought you got bit on the forehead and that was the result!

    Maybe try foundation or primer made to reduce redness and lots of bronze?

    I want to know if those OFF fans work. If so, I’m buying 50. Does anyone know if the dryer sheet thing works? I will go to the store today and buy some if they do.

  4. Emilie June 9, 2009 at 6:15 PM #

    Are you my long lost twin? I have the same reaction to mosquitoes, it is so annoying! Sometimes I get welts the size of half dollars, gross. I have yet to find something that completely keeps them away from me.
    Good luck with the sunburn, I bet it’ll fade in time for the weddings.

  5. anOCgirl June 15, 2009 at 9:00 PM #

    omg i get the same reaction to mosquito bites. and they itch like hell and the only thing that makes the itch go away is numbing the area with an ice cube when then results in the reddish welt turning black and blue.

  6. titus2woman June 16, 2009 at 3:44 AM #

    HA HA HA! I just love you~LOLOL! Hazel really struggles with mosquito bites, too. We’re going to try the Burt’s Bees citronella/lemongrass stuff. Thankfully we have discovered that a paste of baking soda and water on her bites are a HUGE help to quicker healing. I’ll bet you probably got a lot of bites living next to us, too? (((((HUGS))))) sandi


  1. 2009: A Time to Nestle « questionable rationale - January 1, 2010

    […] in June. The happy couple were our first house guests the week before their wedding and, luckily, my sunburned forehead cleared up just in time for the wedding […]

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