Maybe I’ll just wander into the wilderness

24 Jun

Lately, I’ve been feeling like I can’t breathe.  There’s been so much going on in my life that I can’t seem to ever get caught up. I want to say I’m a loner, and while part of me is, half of me is social butterfly and I haven’t found the word to describe a social loner yet. Oxymoron, maybe?

Have no fear
For when I’m alone
I’ll be better off than I was before

Monday we had six people over for dinner after work.  Tuesday we got home and went to dinner. After work today we’ve got a friend from work coming to stay the night.  It hasn’t left a lot of time for myself and thank goodness the husband agreed to go get some groceries and leave me alone because I am very nearly losing my mind with this being social mess.  I can’t ever seen to strike a balance between too little and too much.

I’ve got this light
I’ll be around to grow
Who I was before
I cannot recall

On the way home from work today, the husband  let me take a nap since I let him listen to music I hate.  But then he put on the ‘Into the Wild’ soundtrack. Which might be the most amazing and fabulous album of all time just because I love every single song. It makes me want to pack a bag and walk into the wilderness by myself and disappear.

Long nights allow me to feel…
I’m falling…I am falling
The lights go out
Let me feel
I’m falling
I am falling safely to the ground

Inevitably, my desire to walk into the woods makes me feel a twinge of guilt.  I mean, isn’t that selfish? I can’t leave everything. That’s just silly. I can’t leave the life I love to vanish. Right?

I’ll take this soul that’s inside me now
Like a brand new friend
I’ll forever know

Really, I just need to find a balance.  Maybe that’s what my 20s are for? Or is that something I’ll spend my whole life attempting to achieve?

I’ve got this light
And the will to show
I will always be better than before

Song lyrics from "Long Nights" by Eddie Vedder.

2 Responses to “Maybe I’ll just wander into the wilderness”

  1. Margaret June 25, 2009 at 1:12 PM #

    I too need time to myself. Always have, always will. It’s not selfish, it’s part of surviving life.

    Perhaps this time in your life is for the purpose of you learning to say no.

    It’s OK to do that. You must take care of yourself and your needs, so that your relationship with the Hubs is good. He’s the first person you will be snippy with, when you’re feeling overwhelmed.

    Take care of yourself, you’re worth it.

  2. Holly June 25, 2009 at 8:46 PM #

    I like being social but I definitely need alone time so I understand what you mean. Even though I like to be busy, sometimes you just want to come home and do nothing. Hope to see you soon, busy gal 🙂

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