In most situations, I know better than to blog while super pissed off, or drunk, or irritated to an extent that makes me want to throw shit. In fact, it’s a rule I’ve made for myself: don’t blog under the influence of extreme anxiety, anger or booze.
But sometimes, on very rare occasions, I like to break rules. Now, would be one of those times because I am irritated.
See, I have friends who I hang out with every single friday night. And lately, things have been uh, busy to say the least. This is the first weekend I’ve had off all month. We were gone for most of last week and really, I just haven’t been very here lately because the business was kept my busy. Weird. So someone got their panties in a tizzy because they think I’ve been neglectful. Which is shit because, as I said, I’ve been busy. Now I learn two of my most closet friends have been sitting around talking shit. Apparently, one didn’t get my text and now I’m the asshole.
I’m the most loyal person I know. You need something? I’m there. I will come to your rescue. Short on rent? I’ll lend you some cash. Need someone to talk to in the middle of the night? I’m your gal. Want some friendly advice on something I’ve been through and you haven’t? Take a seat and I’ll tell you everything I know. I will drive further for you than family. I will shell out more than I should just to see you smile because I love you and because you’ve been good to me and because you’ve made me happy and the very least I can do is give you something, anything you want, in return.
And yet…this. I’m flabbergasted. Feels like I’ve been sucker punched in the chest. Like the airs been drained from my lungs.
The hardest part – and the funniest part – is that, almost two months into being a smoker, I have no fucking clue how to be pissed as a non-smoker. I smoked TEN YEARS people. This is the first time I’ve been pissed as an adult who doesn’t smoke and I haven’t no idea how to do it. My body still thinks it wants to smoke right now because that what it did for ten years in situations like these, and my brain keeps telling it to shut up because we don’t do that anymore because it’s gross.
What do people who don’t smoke do when they get upset?