I love everyone. Except for you.

17 Sep

Things I don’t have the patience for:

– Friends who stay at my house for extended periods of time without paying rent who think it’s okay to get up and smoke a cigarette just as soon as we bring home the dinner.

– Laundry.

– Friends who call me a pussy when I refuse to get fall-down, stupid drunk. Sorry.  I guess I’m just not the alcoholic you wanted me to be.

– A sky that constantly threatens rain but never actually produces rain.

– People who come to my house and refuse to recycle their beer cans, and no matter how many times I tell them to just leave the damn can on the kitchen counter, insist on throwing it in the trashcan. I’m really, really, really tired of taking your beer cans out of the trashcan and I don’t really give a damn if you “hate the Earth.” My house, my rules.

That girl in my class.

– That friend who insists on telling me I’m a bad woman for asking my husband to do the laundry. “That’s not his role, Woman!” Shove it, asshole.

– The dog when she decides it will be absolutely HIL-AR-IOUS to run around the yard instead of GETTING IN THE HOUSE RIGHT NOW YOU FUR-BITCH!

– My hair which, now that’s it’s the shortest I’ve had it in something like a decade, occasionally refuses to go in a bun. Sadly, buns are mandatory since I’m, you know, a Soldier and stuff.

– College students who don’t know how to cross the street.

What do you not have the patience for?


9 Responses to “I love everyone. Except for you.”

  1. chasingparadise September 17, 2009 at 11:07 AM #

    wow, your house guests are shitty people! Seriously? Someone said “I hate the Earth?” WTF?!

    I have no patience for assholes. Of any and all varieties. Yet, I seem to be surrounded by them this week.

    Hey, and this is totally off topic, but do you know of any fun/loud restaurants around here good for a bachelorette group to go to?! 🙂

  2. Margaret September 17, 2009 at 5:19 PM #

    I don’t have patience for anyone – who thinks ‘the wife’ should do everything. Cook, Clean, Do Laundry, Go Grocery shopping… We DO NOT have maid/slave written on our fore heads.

    Also, anyone who doesn’t recycle

    Also, people who put chemicals on their lawns, in their flower beds and veggie patch. All those chemicals go into our groundwater, and in our area, end up in the Chesapeake Bay and it’s been killing our Maryland Blue Crab and oysters,etc. for years.

  3. rachel September 17, 2009 at 10:18 PM #

    “Friends who call me a pussy when I refuse to get fall-down, stupid drunk. Sorry. I guess I’m just not the alcoholic you wanted me to be.”

    GOD. I have friends that are like that too and it drives me insane. WE ARE NOT IN COLLEGE ANYMORE!! Is there something wrong with just wanting to have a few glasses of wine? ugh. So with you there.


  4. Nicki September 17, 2009 at 10:51 PM #

    I have no patience for tools who have a smarmy comment for everything, and then when you don’t laugh at their idiocy, they initiate their own laugh track.

  5. CuppyCakes September 18, 2009 at 5:09 AM #

    wow. thats one of the best list of ‘stuff that annoys’ that I have ever seen!
    I have no patience for work just now.

    I also think ‘fur-bitch’ is the best nickname ever.

  6. Alverna September 18, 2009 at 1:56 PM #

    “- That friend who insists on telling me I’m a bad woman for asking my husband to do the laundry. “That’s not his role, Woman!” Shove it, asshole.”

    Ummm, yeah, about that. My husband does our laundry. Since I don’t believe in “his” and “her” roles, we sat down and made a list of all the jobs around the house (and farm) that have to get done daily and/or weekly. Then we each picked a job one at a time until they were all taken. Hubby picked laundry and dishes. He also has lawn care and a bunch of other stuff. I have cooking and cleaning horse stalls and a ton of other stuff. That’s how we like it and it works for us.

    Also, neither my husband nor anyone else are allowed to refer to me as “woman”. It’s one of my major pet peeves. I know my gender, thank you very much–I don’t need a reminder.

  7. H to the Izzo September 20, 2009 at 6:27 PM #

    Slow drivers

    People who brake going on or off ramps

    People who say they’ll come to something and then don’t (repeatedly)

    The loud heel clomper who just moved in upstairs

    Slow talkers

    How long my virus/adware/malware scans take

    Waiting for nail polish to dry


  8. anOCgirl September 21, 2009 at 10:11 AM #

    i guess your friends would think i’m a pussy too. sure, i drink, but i haven’t gotten drunk in forever, nor do i want to.

    what do i not have patience for? well, i’m totally with margaret’s list. but i’d like to add that i don’t have patience for stupid people. yes, it’s vague, but intentionally so.

  9. emiliemarie September 22, 2009 at 1:09 PM #

    I was sitting in class last night and was immensely irritated by this girl that sits behind me. She was complaining about how much work she has to do, and how she wishes so much that she wasn’t a sophomore because omigod! freshmen year was so much easier. I wanted to turn around and tell her, just wait until your very last semester, when everything depends on THAT semester. When you’re taking super insane thesis courses that you have to get a B+ or better in, in order to graduate.
    And then, whenever the professor asked a question (hypothetical, rhetorical, whatever) she chirped “yes!” “yup” “sure!” “you got it” and I wanted to DIE.
    And then I thought of you, and that girl in your class, and I felt a little better knowing that I am not alone.

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