Why you shouldn’t date musicians

9 Dec

There are a lot of reasons why I married Andrew.  I love him, of course. And we fit well together. He makes me laugh, we want the same things out of our future, blah, blah blah. But one of the less obvious reasons why I married him, is that he’s not a musician.

Before Andrew, I dated a lot of musicians. One could even say, I had a type. I dated musicians exclusively, for most of high school and college.

But what happens when you date three, or even four guitarists (or worse, aspiring guitarists) in a row? They all learn how to sing the  “I want to grow old with you” song by Adam Sandler from the The Wedding Singer. ALL OF THEM. WITHOUT FAIL.

First the Guitarist Boyfriend learns you like Drew Barrymore. And then learns that you like Adam Sandler. He asks if you like the movie, “The Wedding Singer,” which (at that point) you do. Life goes on. Then, Guitarist Boyfriend will sit you down and tell you he learned a special song, just for you (how sweet!). The first time around, you get excited.  You feel special. So you sit and wait for the song to begin. You wonder what it could possibly be and are thrilled, touched and moved the first time a boyfriend sings about letting you have the remote control and about growing old with you. It’s cute. Sweet.

The second time it happens,  it’s a little less touching. You are totally unsuspecting. You wait for the song to begin, smile your way through it and say thank you when it’s done and over with. Surely you can’t tell Guitarist Boyfriend #2 that his lack of originality is making you consider ending the relationship. So you say nothing, because hey – it’s the thought that counts, right?

By the time you’re on to Guitarist Boyfriend #3, and by the time he starts singing that damn song, you don’t even have the patience to even let him finish and you stop him, midway through his supposedly heartfelt rendition and tell him no thank you, you’ve already been played that song (TWICE) by other boys before and really, if he’s thinks he’s getting lucky, he’s dead wrong.

Finally, here’s five more reasons to never date a musician:

  1. They are not as clean as the rest of us. Sure, they might shower in the beginning of the relationship and you’ll be all you smell so nice Mr. Guitar/Drum/Bass man until, of course, that one day when they just stop showering.
  2. They will never (ever, ever, ever) love you as much as they love their guitar or their drums or their harmonica.
  3. If they have good hair, it has the ability to turn into bad hair in the blink of an eye.
  4. You might be thinking to yourself that they’re a musician, surely they have rhythm. As it turns out, this is (mostly) untrue.
  5. They are so loud.  With the tapping and playing of the music and you might think you like that one song the first time he plays it BUT JUST WAIT! It won’t be quite so cute when he plays it for the 467th time.
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6 Responses to “Why you shouldn’t date musicians”

  1. san December 9, 2009 at 11:05 AM #

    Haha… this post cracked me up. First and foremost, because I MARRIED A MUSICIAN. A singer, to be precise!

    The good news is: he hates Adam Sandler, so he never sang that song for me 🙂

    I don’t completely agree with your five points on the bottom, but 2 and 5 are definitely true 🙂

  2. barbetti December 9, 2009 at 4:25 PM #

    Hahaha! I never dated a musician, so based on your experiences, I’m glad I didn’t!

    Though, “I wanna grow old with you” was mine and Steve’s “song” for a bit. 🙂

  3. H to the Izzo December 9, 2009 at 6:30 PM #

    I’m wondering where the impetus for this post came from but mostly I’m commenting to say I’m in between students trying to muffle my snickers and grins at this post.

  4. Alverna December 9, 2009 at 11:42 PM #

    1. What the heck prompted this post? Just curious, because I’m tempted to say the reason would make me laugh (possibly) as much as the post itself.

    2. Please convince me that it’s not a good idea to email this to my friends who are dating and/or married to musicians….otherwise I just might not be able to help myself!

  5. CuppyCakes December 10, 2009 at 6:06 AM #

    My last two relationships were with bass players. One still played, the other didn’t, but was a Big Fan of Guitar Hero.
    No. More. “Musicians”.

  6. y May 2, 2015 at 2:37 AM #

    You dated the wrong musician. Or better yet, not a musician at all. REAL musician are the best lovers, but I’m sorry that you wouldn’t know

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