The Great Un-Friending of 2009, or how Facebook has changed everything

11 Dec

If I was ever unsure that social media had changed the way we maintain our friendships and communicate with others, I’m sure as shit sure about it now.

Remember that girl we let live in our house? For free? For over two months? And remember how she ate all my food, was generally sexist, never once washed the sheets on the bed and who we helped support when no one else would?

She unfriended me on Facebook yesterday.

I’m caught between being so pissed off at her that I want to track her down, smack her across the face and force her do push-ups until she dies, and laughing at myself because really? It’s fucking Facebook. Who cares?

There is, of course, a reason why she unfriended me. (I think.)

See, the moment she left her husband she started a relationship with another one of our good friends. If she wasn’t at my house, eating my food and throwing her cigarette butts in the front yard, she was over at her boyfriend’s house. We had set a deadline for this friend to be out of our house by the first week in November because really, we just couldn’t handle it anymore. So the two friends, who had been in a relationship since approximately August, got an apartment  together. Because the love. They allegedly had it.

Fast forward a bit. Friend finally goes to see her husband to sign papers to be legally separated. It’s about damn time, right? Well, instead of signing the fucking papers, this girl goes out, gets drunk with her husband, drunk drives back to her apartment, and tells our friend she’s leaving him to go back to her husband. (Her husband who, in my opinion, has a serious anger-management issue, is frequently verbally abusive and manipulative. One time, when her car got towed, he broke a glass door at our apartment building. For reals. Dude’s a little crazy.)

Three days later, she un-friends me on Facebook. Because apparently, supporting your friend makes you a giant douche. Who knew?

This is a first for me in the un-friending department. I’ve said absolutely nothing to this friend since she made her decision to go back to Crazy McCrazerson. When she made her decision to leave him, way back when, I didn’t push her. I knew it was her decision to make and my opinions had no place in that decision.  So why the un-friending?

I am, if I haven’t made it clear yet, done with her, so that’s not what’s bothering me (although I do have some feminist guilt that keeps telling me it oftentimes takes women in unhealthy relationships at least three times to leave for good and so I should reach out to her and help her but I just can’t do that because she was never even a very good friend to us and the guy whose heart she just squashed has always, no matter what, been there for us).  I think it’s the sheer audacity. That she has no reason, NONE, to un-friend me. What the hell have I done? Or maybe I’m truly a child and it’s because I didn’t get to un-friend her first because I was too busy spying on her Facebook page waiting for her to mention something about…well, anything really.

A part of me knows this ridiculous, knows that it doesn’t matter, that I’m done with her anyway but still. It still feels like a kick in the face, especially after everything we’ve done for her.

On the bright side, when we signed her up for the Army, we made $2,000, so it’s not like we came out empty-handed.


11 Responses to “The Great Un-Friending of 2009, or how Facebook has changed everything”

  1. Margaret December 11, 2009 at 12:21 PM #

    She knows you’re right about leaving mr. scuzzbucket and she’s embarrassed.

    I understand your hurt feelings. It’s often the ones we reach out to, that punch us in the gut.

    Just know in your heart that you did the loving thing by taking her into your home.

  2. chasingparadise December 11, 2009 at 1:05 PM #

    I’ve been on the receiving end of un-friending on Facebook, too. And, like you, it was by someone who I truly could not care less about. And I was annoyed. The reason? I think it has more to do with the fact that it’s such a scaredy-cat cop-out. It’s a passive-aggressive wimp’s way of communicating. Ugh. The whole thing just annoys me.

    Also? That girl sounds like a complete and total MORON.

  3. Margaret December 11, 2009 at 1:12 PM #

    When we have a huge case of the hots for someone, reason flies out the window and our brain goes to sleep.

    We also tend to repeat our patterns. If we grew up with any sort of abuse or control, we’re convinced it will be better this time and if we just ‘do it right’ things will be fine. Often, it’s all we know and for some odd reason it feels comfortable to us.

    Standing outside of the situation, as you did, you can clearly see it’s a really bad relationship. The chemistry between the two people is so strong, they can’t see it.

  4. san December 11, 2009 at 2:05 PM #

    I don’t get it. I have been on the receiving end of “unfriending” as well and WITHOUT apparent reason, so I understand why you feel kicked in the face and betrayed. But you know what, I just think that you might regret that you didn’t undfriend her first 🙂

  5. barbetti December 11, 2009 at 3:44 PM #

    You have no idea how much I relate to this. With the exception of recruiting our live-in bloodsucker, everything else in this list pertained to him.

    And the whole un-friending on Facebook thing? That’s very mature on her behalf, after all you did for her. /sarcasm

  6. jenny December 11, 2009 at 5:57 PM #

    holy smokes. she sounds like she has some screws loose and that’s before she took to the ‘unfriending’ on facebook. she obviously doesn’t have a good reason for it – i don’t see supporting her for two months a good reason to ‘unfriend’. however, it’s something she can do (however cowardly it is) to prove some kind of point. like, you supported me when i wasn’t with the dude i went back to so i must not be able to still be friends with you. okay, i’m confusing myself but this whole thing is weird. i’m glad you made $2000 off her. 🙂

  7. Jonathan December 12, 2009 at 7:35 PM #

    Sorry I haven’t read your blog in for such a long time! Life has been kind of mental.

    I had a similar experience a couple of years ago with somebody I thought an awful lot of, and who suddenly rejected just about everybody close to her. We’ve slowly built bridges back towards each other, but you do wonder sometimes why it’s *you* that puts all the effort in.

  8. Gooseberried December 13, 2009 at 9:50 PM #

    I just went through a similar situation recently as well, which I chose not to blog about. I can’t believe the drama that people pose through online formalities like Facebook. It’s the worst statement someone could ever make, not to mention so immature. I believe there’s a certain spot in hell reserved for the unfollowers and unfrienders. So. Lame.

  9. H to the Izzo December 13, 2009 at 11:05 PM #

    I want to say something more supportive or profound, but all my energy is sapped this weekend dealing with important death stuff.

    All I’ll say is that last line made me smile. Thank you.

    I miss you. I hope to see you when I get back. Could definitely use a friend then.


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