I’d rather be able to shoot lasers from my eyes, but this will work too.

25 Feb

I started losing my vision when I was about 13.  As if I wasn’t going through enough awkwardness with the whole puberty thing, Mother Nature saw fit to start stealing my vision from me as well.  It was great fun. Really.

So, at 13, I started wearing glasses.  The frames were green. I hated them. And only wore them when I absolutely had to.  You could say I was glasses-resistant, but alas, there was no turning back. My vision went from can’t-really-see-the-letters-on-the-chalkboard-clearly blindness, to wait-there’s-a-chalkboard-there? blindness.

By the time I was 15, there was no way around the wearing glasses bit.

During the summer between my sophomore and junior years of high school, a whole slew of things changed. My boobs grew – A LOT. I got glasses. I ditched the awkward, chunky blonde streaks in my hair. I got hot. Over a summer. And getting contacts played a major role in that whole getting hot and finding myself sort of bit, so I decided to keep them.

Flash forward a few years. I joined the Army, at 19. When you go to Basic Training, you can’t wear contacts.  There are too many risks involved and plus, legend has it that going into the gas chamber with your contacts in could result in the lenses MELTING ONTO YOUR EYES. So yeah, contacts were out, and glasses – hideous, absolutely stupid and ridiculous looking glasses – were back in.

But trust me. The day I graduated, I popped the contacts back in and went on with my bad self.

Contacts have been great. Except for when I get an eyelash in my eye or when my contact lens decides to rage war against my eyeball.  And except for when I loose a contact lens and run into things. And, and, and…it goes on and on.  I might look like I can see, but really, as soon as one of those magical lenses is comprimised, I’m blind. I’m afraid to go swimming for fear I’ll lose a lens. I’m afraid to have pillow and snowball fights for fear I’ll get whalloped in the head, lose a lens, promptly wander in front of an oncoming semi-truck  and catch death because of my blindness.

Seriously. I can’t read the big E on the eye charts. I can’t even tell there’s a letter there.  I can’t read a book without my contacts. I can’t see clearly more than 6 inches in front of my face.

So yesterday, I went in to get a free LASIK consultation. And they said I’m a good candidate. So I rejoiced, signed up for a CareCredit card and made an appointment for March 10th at 9 AM. I’m going to pay someone to shoot lasers as my eyes.  And then I’ll come home and take a nap. By the time I wake up a few hours later, things shouldn’t be too uncomfortable and I’ll be able to see across the room. Just like that.

The downside? I have to wear glasses for the next two weeks to let my eyes breath and to let them revert back to their natural state.

Basically, I’m right back to my nerdy 15 year old self. Ugh.


11 Responses to “I’d rather be able to shoot lasers from my eyes, but this will work too.”

  1. Margaret February 25, 2010 at 1:26 PM #

    You are a BEAUTIFUL woman ~ with or without glasses.

  2. julia February 25, 2010 at 2:30 PM #

    been there. am there. except i never joined the army. i wear contacts every day and glasses only first thing in the morning or right before i fall asleep. but yeah, without them, i can’t even read my computer screen sitting less than a foot away from it. i got my first glasses in 7th grade and they were ROUND blue frames with multicolored polka dots on them. i shudder at the mere thought of them.

  3. StaceyParadise February 25, 2010 at 2:30 PM #

    Are you kidding? You look GREAT in glasses! Is it bad that I’ve always kind of wanted to wear them?

    And on another note, LASIK holy cow! Just the thought of it makes me frightened! But if I were in your shoes, I’d probably do it too.

  4. san February 25, 2010 at 7:37 PM #

    I don’t know what you’re talking about … you look GREAT with glasses.

    Good luck with the LASIK treatment (should all go well, March 10 is my birthday :))

  5. barbetti February 25, 2010 at 10:34 PM #

    I agree, you do look great in glasses. Your eyesight story is SO similar to my own. I get dizzy without my contacts for too long, I don’t even OWN eye glasses. I need LASIK, bad, before my vision completely deteriorates.

  6. CuppyCakes February 26, 2010 at 2:34 AM #

    Aly did this a few years ago.. She thinks it’s one of the best things she’s ever spent money on. She got pretty sick after.
    Audiobooks are apparently a rather good investment.

    I agree with everyone saying you look good in glasses. When I looked too quickly at that picture, I thought you were standing below the olympic rings…

  7. H to the Izzo February 26, 2010 at 9:27 AM #

    That’s a big, sexy lens, as Joe would say.

    Good luck with the Lasik. LAZERS freak me out, but then, I don’t need contacts/glasses for everyday vision. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you with glasses anyway.

  8. emiliemarie February 26, 2010 at 9:20 PM #

    I agree, you look good in glasses…really good! I don’t know if I’d be brave enough to have someone shoot lasers in my eyes – kudos to you!

    My fiance has told be about boot camp and the no-contacts rule. He refers the the glasses they gave him to wear as ‘birth control goggles.’

    I also really like your shirt 🙂

  9. Suburban Sweetheart February 27, 2010 at 4:53 PM #

    GOOD LUCK! The glasses are temporary – & then NEVER AGAIN.

    I wear contacts & am fairly blind &… could never do Lasik because I’m terrified of open-eye surgery. But I hope it works out for you & maybe encourages me, too…

  10. anOCgirl March 3, 2010 at 9:54 AM #

    i rock the nerd look everyday. it’s not so bad. and you wear the nerd look very well!

    you are quite brave for doing lasik. i definitely don’t have the guts to even see if i’m eligible. something about lasers shooting into my eyes…


  1. February. Still the shortest month. « questionable rationale - February 28, 2010

    […] still refuses to get off the couch a get a job. – I decided to take the plunge and set a date for LASIK eye surgery in March. – We bought a lot of wine from Trader Joe’s. – We didn’t watch the Olympics. […]

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