Smelly Boys, Memory Refreshments, & Hostility

25 Mar

Sometimes its neat when a song, or a smell, or a sight brings up an old memory of something long forgotten.  You get to marvel at the good ole days and sing along to the song you remember singing along to the first time you drove a car by yourself, or the first time you got ready for a high school dance.  It can be great, really.  And then, there are the other times.  The times when the smell of perfume or cologne takes you on a 15 minute memory joy ride through past relationships, or when a song comes on the radio that takes you back to the very worst, no-good, horrible time in your life.

There I was, sitting in class all unsuspecting like, minding my own business, praying for an early release from class when the smell of an ex hit me.  There’s not much I can do to avoid the smell of the cologne he used to wear (or still does wear, for all I know). It’s common. It’s everywhere.  It waits for me in empty elevators. It hits me when I visit gas stations, dressing rooms, and hallways. It’s fucking everywhere.

Being a full-blown nerd and a world-class kiss-ass, I always sit near the front of class. The smell of my ex was coming from behind me though, but I couldn’t turn around because class had started and I didn’t want to be an asshole and draw any unnecessary attention to myself and besides, I knew, in my little heart of hearts, that my ex was not behind me. 

Still though, the smell made me crazy. It invoked a host of things – good and bad and in between. My mind, being totally ignorant of my hostility toward resurfacing ex memories, thwarted all my attempts to focus on the lecture and instead spent the next 2 hour and 40 minute class skipping gleefully down memory lane in a full play-by-play of our nearly three-year anniversary.  It was all, Hey Terra, you remember that time that X happened and then X happened and you said X and blah blah blah ex ex ex blah blah? And I was all, shut up, shut up, shut up, I’m trying to learn about Judaism here! I have an exam next week! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!

My memory, that asshole, can conjure up a lot in 2 hours and 40 minutes.  I also think the ventilation system in that room was timed to circulate the air, and the smell of my ex, in perfect 10 minute intervals.  The smell of cologne would start to fade, only to come back 10 times as strong as before. For 2 hours and 40 minutes.

By the time class let out, I was exhausted. Annoyed. Irritated.  Sure, it’s great to remember, but I like to remember when I want to remember, not when some guy decides to smell like some other guy.

And that’s why boys shouldn’t wear cologne. Ever.  

The End.


7 Responses to “Smelly Boys, Memory Refreshments, & Hostility”

  1. ash March 25, 2010 at 7:55 PM #

    LOL – you are such a great writer, T. You got a smile and honest to goddess chuckle out of me when I read the ending, and I have a migraine so that’s very impressive!

    For me, it was a boy named Kevin, and he wore a musk brand that is not so popular anymore. But for years everytime I caught a whiff. I always had to look around…and remember.

  2. CuppyCakes March 26, 2010 at 4:00 AM #

    my ex wore a common one too… one of the inspectors at work wears the same one. It smells better on the inspector.

  3. StaceyParadise March 26, 2010 at 10:54 AM #

    Oh god the smell of Hugo Boss makes me irrationally stabby for this exact reason. I smell it and instantly I’m all “OMG that asshole. That ASSHOLE. WHO HAS THE NERVE TO SMELL LIKE THAT ASSHOLE?”

    We women are strange, strange creatures.

  4. Andrew March 31, 2010 at 8:58 AM #

    Good thing, I only smell like me. If you smell me behind you, guess what? I’m behind you.

  5. H to the Izzo April 2, 2010 at 9:23 AM #

    Ha, I laughed at this because you know me, bionic nose and all, I notice smell a lot. Everyone has a smell, whether it’s cologne, perfume, laundry detergent, or their own scent. I hate that I don’t know what I smell like to other people. I love Joe’s cologne, and luckily I have yet to smell it out because that would kill me, but Lindsay tells me it’s one of the most common men’s fragrances, which makes me mad, because I don’t want anyone else to have it.

  6. Tina April 3, 2010 at 10:52 AM #

    Sometimes I hate having a nose for this reason.


  1. Well that was fast: March goes marching on « questionable rationale - March 31, 2010

    […] helicopter flight to Va. Beach for a departure ceremony for some Soldiers going to Afghanistan. – Cologne gave me flashbacks. – I drove to Georgia with the husband for work and back again, working 41 hours in just three […]

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