5 things I didn’t do “right.”

4 May

I’m not a traditional sort of girl. Maybe that’s obvious. My Army career should have been a pretty clear indicator. Maybe it’s because I grew up in the woods. Maybe it’s all those women’s studies and sociology classes that fostered my feminism. Maybe it’s because I like letting my freak flag fly, or maybe I’m just different. Either way, I like doing things my way. My marriage has been no different. We haven’t gone the traditional route, much to the dismay of some friends and family and more than a few complete strangers.

5 things I didn’t do “right” :: the marriage & wedding edition

1. There’s no engagement ring. In fact, there really wasn’t even an engagement. Andrew said he wanted to get married as soon as possible, and I didn’t object. I made it clear I didn’t want a ring from the beginning, not because we couldn’t afford it, but because it wasn’t something I needed. I know Andrew loves me. I didn’t need a ring and honestly, it just wasn’t high on my priority list. Plus, I’m pretty hard on my hands. I wouldn’t want to wear a beautiful sparkly ring in the woods and on the shooting range, and what’s the point of spending thousands on a ring I would be afraid to wear? Plus, my feminist just conscience wouldn’t allow it.

2. I got married in Vegas. Yes, I wore a white dress. No, Elvis didn’t marry us. For some reason, this freaks people out. It’s not like we eloped. Or like we got drunk and got hitched. We planned a wedding. It just happened to be in Las Vegas.

3. I didn’t take his name. And I probably never will. It’s not that I don’t love Andrew’s last name, it’s that my last name is such a big part of who I am now and who I’ve always been that I can’t imagine losing it. This bothers people. Men, mostly. One man we encountered kept telling Andrew over and over again that he really needed to fix the situation and make me change my name. He went on and on about how it “just isn’t right.” Like it was any of his business.

4. We probably aren’t going to reproduce. My clock is not ticking. My ovaries don’t get pangs of baby lust. Babies are cute, sure. But they poop and drool. And I really, really, really don’t like poop and drool. Instead, we have dogs.

5. We haven’t really celebrated an anniversary yet. We made a mistake. We got married the second weekend of January, which will likely always be our one weekend a month for the National Guard. Our first anniversary, we worked. Our second anniversary,we worked. It’s not that we don’t think it’s important to celebrate our love and our marriage and blah blah blah, it’s just that we’re really busy.

Bottom line? People are different. I promise not to judge you if you don’t judge me.

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11 Responses to “5 things I didn’t do “right.””

  1. chasingparadise May 4, 2010 at 9:29 AM #

    It’s funny because I’ve never really thought of myself as “traditional”. Probably because my childhood was anything but. And then I wanted to have a traditional wedding. Granted, I had to walk myself down the aisle, but we did have an engagement. We also moved in together YEARS before AND bought a house before it all happened. I had a traditional wedding with some non-traditional aspects. And the whole having children thing is really…(I’m even having a hard time figuring out a word for it)…unsettled for me right now. I THINK I want them. I’m not sure. Ugh. The whole thing is just weird to me right now.

  2. san May 4, 2010 at 9:31 AM #

    We are somewhat alike…. J and I got married in Vegas, too, and there was no engagement (and no engagement ring), mainly because we had to get the legal papers filed ASAP so that I could start the green card process.
    Not very romantic, but oh well.

    I think these are all YOUR decisions… nobody else’s!

  3. Angela May 4, 2010 at 9:49 AM #

    It’s funny how people try to project their needs and desires on to others. You live your life on your terms and it isn’t anyone’s business on how your life “should” be. My husband and I were married the way that we wanted, when we wanted, and still laugh about how people intrude and insert their opinions on how we should live. We aren’t having children (other than the two four legged fur children, AKA The Labradorks). I didn’t change my name (my name is my brand, and if my mother had wanted me to have a different name then she would have named me that instead). This really freaks out people for some reason. My husband and I have learned to answer to each other’s last names and correct folks as it happens. After five years, I still get people advising me that I will change my mind about the name thing. Worse yet, I get comments from women stating that their husband would never allow such. Of course, I would never marry someone who is wrapped up in something as superficial as a name. 😉

    Kudos to you for doing your own thing and being amused at people who just don’t get it!

  4. ohhayitskk May 4, 2010 at 11:23 AM #

    I think it pretty much rules that you went your own way.

  5. Lara May 4, 2010 at 11:36 AM #

    Love this!

    I also have no compulsion to breed. Maybe I’m just too selfish or maybe there’s too many things I still want to do that a child would hinder or maybe it’s because I’m using up all my caregiving urges in taking care of my disabled mom or maybe I don’t like seeing what kids are doing to my friends’ lives. Whatever the reason, nothing’s ticking and I’m okay with that.

    My last name is a HUGE part of me. When/if my bf and decide to get married, I’m going to have to either not change it or hyphenate it which would total 19 characters! Ha! I may just do it!

    I don’t want a big wedding at all… whoever is doing the ceremony and a photographer because I need photos. I also don’t really care about a ring and he knows I definitely wouldn’t want a diamond.

    All of this is no one’s business to judge.

  6. Emilie May 4, 2010 at 5:23 PM #

    I love this post.
    I feel like there are so many expectations when it comes to love and relationships and marriage and if you DON’T do what everyone else does, you are automatically from Mars.
    While I do want to have children, and I do have an engagement ring, (that was purchased off ebay…so stupid to spend triple digits on jewelry!) we are having an untraditional wedding that has a lot of my family members in a tizzy. And the fact that we live together before we are married…welcome to 2010!

  7. CuppyCakes May 5, 2010 at 5:50 AM #

    It’s nice to be different. Do things your own way. I think the ability to do that and honestly not care about ‘social pressure to conform’ or whatevs is proabably one of the most admirable traits a person can have.
    I don’t know that I’ll change my name if I get married. Mostly that is because nothing matches my first name. I might hyphenate. But then, my photography is my full name, and changing that would be a pain in the arse. I don’t want kids, I too have puppies. I WOULD like a sparkely ring at some point though….a big one.

  8. Grandma May 5, 2010 at 11:40 AM #

    You don’t have to celebrate anniversaries, your whole life is a celebration. Do what makes you happy, just be kind to people along the way.

  9. SassyGirl May 6, 2010 at 10:27 AM #

    It sounds like you’re comfortable with the decisions you made, so it’s not like you did anything “wrong.”
    As for the anniversary thing, that can easily be fixed – just celebrate it a different time. Roll it in with your NYE’s celebrations, why not?

  10. Eternally Distracted May 7, 2010 at 3:08 AM #

    I got the engagement ring but nearly two years down the line that is it… my marriage clock isn’t ticking! 😉

  11. Doniree May 11, 2010 at 5:38 PM #

    I absolutely LOVE how you own this.

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