Getting it back

19 Jul

Two things happened recently:

1. The weight of everything got to me and I locked myself in the bathroom and cried for an hour.

2. Andrew and I had a serious talk (through the locked bathroom door) about the lacking romantical-ness in our relationship and what I realize is the completely and entirely nonsensical argument of mine that he never plans anything and then, when I yell him to plan something and he does, it’s still not enough because it’s like I planned it anyway because I am, clearly, a crazy person.

So last weekend, after I stopped crying about EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD THAT SUCKS (boo-fucking-hoo), which, admittedly it not something I do, except for maybe once or twice a year when the floodgates burst and I cry until I can’t anymore, Andrew and I went to dinner. A nice dinner. With delicious stuffed mushrooms and a fabulous bottle of wine and a sinfully delightful dessert. And we talked about all sorts of things and I think we came to a few realizations.

1. Being around each other all day is not the same as spending quality time together.

2. Crashing onto the couch and zoning out does not count as quality time together.

3. We need to start keeping more lists of all the things we want to do together.

Richmond’s a neat city, with lots of very Richmond things to experience. We talk about going and doing things in and around our city all the damn time, but we never make any plans. Ideas get filed away in the back of our minds and we end up wasting another weekend on the couch or on the internet or just trying to catch our breath from a busy work week.

This past weekend though, things were different. Instead of saying we should do something someday in the eventual future, we made plans. What a novel fucking concept, right?

We’d talked forever about having some friends over, and finally, we did. I made dinner. Caprese salad on a stick, beer can chicken, grilled (back-yard garden-grown) vegetables, garlic fries, and strawberry shortcake for dessert. Simple. Perfect.

Saturday we lounged. We took glorious naps, caught up on our Netflix movies and I finally took Andrew to see a movie at the Byrd Theater.  It’s this amazing old movie theater in one of the cutest parts of my city. Andrew had never been and we’d talked about going since we first moved back to Richmond two and half years ago.

The movie, Date Night with Tina Fey and Steve Carell, was absolutely hilarious and the ambiance was pretty nice too.

Sunday, we brunched. Somehow, after everyone moved out of the old apartment, we got out of the habit of brunching. Thing is, I love brunch and declared, on Friday, that we needed to bring brunching back into our lives.

After stuffing our faces with eggs and sausage and french toast and mimosas, we hit the recently reopened Virginia Museum of Fine Arts, another place we’d been meaning to visit.

Sunday afternoon, we napped, again. Because we could.

Monday still feels like a bitch, but I’m happier knowing we didn’t waste the weekend. We’ve lulled ourselves into a bit of a lazy habit of not doing anything special to celebrate this thing we’ve got going on and that shit needs to change. Sure, we go on great vacations every once in a while and celebrate birthdays, but we need to work on making every day special and perfect and better.

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8 Responses to “Getting it back”

  1. H to the Izzo July 19, 2010 at 1:15 PM #

    It’s refreshing to know that even people in really awesome relationships still break down sometimes. Glad you worked it out. I had a freak-out for a minor but turns out really dumb/unfair reason myself this weekend.

    You know I love to plan, so I’m always up for planning things!

  2. san July 19, 2010 at 1:58 PM #

    Oh, you’re so right on…. we definitely need to plan more fun things in my relationship, too.

    That was a good reminder! And your weekend sounds fantastic (and brunching is something I definitely want to bring back as well!)

    The last picture turned out really cool – I think it would work really well in black and white!

  3. Charlya July 19, 2010 at 2:02 PM #

    Thanks for the reminder that I need to do more “planning” with my hubby. I can see myself locked in the bathroom like you. Next weekend will be date weekend for us. Hearing it from someone else seems to help kick my butt into gear. Glad you had an awesome time!

  4. KT July 19, 2010 at 2:27 PM #

    What a great weekend to come out of what could have been a nasty fight! I think that all couples get stuck in a rut where time together automatically equals quality time. My husband and I have been taking a lot of walks with our dog after work which has been nice.

  5. Lara July 19, 2010 at 2:44 PM #

    You and me both sister! Sofa time and spending a ton of time together definitely doesn’t constitute quality time. Oh man, I have one of those breakdowns a few times a year as well over the SAME thing! We’ve been getting better about making the most of our weekends over the past few months. Weeknights are still needing some work. We’re both just so damn tired!

    It’s funny because in the winter, we complained that it was too cold to do anything, then when it gets warm, we complain it’s too hot. You just have to get off your butts and make something happen.

    Good for you for speaking up and having a great talk (not a killer fight) and having something good come out of it. It takes so much practice to keep those breakdowns from turning into WWIII.

    Aren’t those huge cries a great stress release?

    And we still haven’t had our lady brunch yet! These busy weekends have been hogging all my time!

  6. CuppyCakes July 20, 2010 at 7:06 AM #

    I think we all NEED to break down every once in a while. And whether that means locking ourselves in a bathroom for an hour and crying like a teeny girl, or whatever… I think we all NEED to do it.

    Glad you enjoyed your weekend 🙂

  7. Margaret July 20, 2010 at 12:37 PM #

    You are a smart woman. You recognized that the two of you had fallen into a rut…most couples do. Proud of you for doing something about it. I think we need to remember the things we said or did, during the early stages of a relationship. It keeps it alive.

  8. titus2woman July 23, 2010 at 3:09 AM #

    It’s funny the seasons we go through in marriage, isn’t it? Sometimes they are short-lived, and sometimes we get so used to things it takes a looong time to recognize what’s going on. The relief through it all is knowing that your best friend will be there through it all, no matter what. Having no fear of them going anywhere. I’m sure you read our motto, because we were quite in a rut~LOL~it’s all about doing things we don’t usually do! And we’ve had FUN! 🙂 (((((HUGS))))) sandi

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